Many of us in the western, industrialized, educated, rich, democratic (WIERD) world have a tendency to speak of change as if it’s generally desirable. We value persistence and malign resistance. I noticed this attitude sneak into my last note post. And this is something else I very much appreciate about Virginia Satir’s model — that she explicitly recognizes that change is not inherently good or bad.
Of course, change can be positive, and even objectively difficult or tragic events can have positive repercussions. And it’s also true that trauma, illness, injury, economic downturns — and even well-intended policies and programs — can have harmful, devastating, and even fatal effects.
It’s also true that whether a change is ultimately beneficial or not, being in the stage of Chaos can be disorienting, disturbing, uncomfortable, painful — or challenging, exciting, creative, and inspiring. Coming to terms with an unpleasant truth about oneself and making the life changes necessary to remedy that can feel like the former. Being inducted into a cult can feel like the latter.
Satir doesn’t attempt to tell us how to assess whether the change we’re experiencing is ultimately beneficial or harmful, and neither will I. We may not know whether a change is good or bad, but we can become more skillful at navigating our way through it. Perhaps that skill in itself increases the likelihood of positive outcomes.
Aligning ourselves around our values and finding a sense of purpose gives us a compass and increases our agency. Finding oases of familiarity within the chaos provides respite during a mentally and physically taxing time. Developing new routines and rituals gives us a sense of control. And finding or establishing support for the change — whether that’s Toastmasters or AlAnon; a mentor, counsellor, or coach — helps orient us and keep us in the game.
Where do you want to say yes to change? Where do you want to say no? No judgement.
Joseph Heinrich, The WIERDest people in the world: How the west became psychologically peculiar and particularly prosperous. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2020.
Virginia Satir, The process of change. (video, 43 minutes), 1978.
Copyright © 2023 Lynn Thorsell, All rights reserved.
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